Why you should Invest ?
Listen, I know what you’re thinking. Why should I invest my hard-earned cash in you? What’s in it
Well, bucko, let me tell you: Tons.
First off, at BretTrade, I’m proud to announce that we are instituting a Shareholders Laugh Free™* policy for all of my comedy shows.
That’s right. If you’re a valued shareholder**, you’re allowed to come to any show I do in a city near you FREE OF CHARGE. You scratch my back, I perform standup in front of yours.
Second, at BretTrade, we will be looking into issuing an annual dividend. While this is contingent
on positive earnings, I can promise you that we will do everything in our power to keep our
shareholders fiscally fat and happy. Bet on it.
Third, and most important, with BretCoin, you get ownership stake in a cryptocurrency of a young comedian who - though he’s forged out a living - hasn’t quite popped yet in a major way. But, make no mistake, the pop is coming.
One hour stand up special on YouTube here*
A masterpiece of a jazz record that debuted at #34
The world’s most wholesome OnlyFans account
A fantastic podcast
A highly-lucrative CumRag company
This and many more things on my horizon, to be announced in the coming months. Plus, I’ll never stop doing comedy so your investment kinda has no place to go but up… I mean, I can’t really become less successful than I already am. So buy in now, while the buyin’s cheap! This is the ground floor!*
I’ll work my hardest to make your money work its hardest. You can take that to the bank… But you shouldn’t... Because you should invest it here.
I can’t guarantee you’ll get rich, but I can guarantee you’ll get filthy rich.
*Although some would argue rock bottom. We call those people haters.
To hold me accountable in working my hardest for your cash, we will be hiring a board of directors. If you’d like to apply to be on the board, send a resume to BretRaybould@gmail.com, as well as a few sentences on why you can give sound financial advice and career insight to me/the BretTrade team.